I read the Partners pilot a few weeks ago and honestly expected the worst. I expected right. There were so many terrible and predictable jokes. I watched the trailer shortly after and laughed zero times. Then last night the show premiered and maybe it’s a case of the bad pilot and then you hope it gets better (see what I did there? That’s the kind of gay joke they were writing. Hire me! I can write those too!). Anygay, I sat with a google doc open while watching and wrote down all the hysterical gay jokes that were said in the pilot. I may have missed a couple while zoning out and thinking about why they made Brandon Routh’s character so dumb and how the claps in and out of commercials were so distracting.

• “It’s tacky. Color matters, Joe.”
• “That’s not a game room. That’s a spa.”
• “Bette Midler… Oh my god you know nothing.”
• And may I just say,” Joke, joke, joke, gay, gay, gay, I will cut you.”
• “Girlfriend, likes her liquor.”
• A dog named Elphaba.
• “I was just going along because I didn’t want to seem gay.”
  
• “Wyatt, my love, you’re a male nurse that DVRs everything on Bravo. That ship has sailed.”
• “Gays can’t drive stick. Ironic, right?”
• “I would make him a panini.” (Trust me, that panini joke was a bad gay joke.)

I don’t even want to waste the time on the Sassy Latina secretary that was discovered on a train platform. This show is an abomigaytion.