Hey Judy Greer! Sorry I didn’t have time to grab an intervention banner but I think we need to discuss your addiction to taking roles in every mediocre-to-awful television show that is thrown at you. I’m only saying this because I love you, Judy — can I call you Judy? We all love you. We just don’t understand. You’re a great comedic actress (Arrested Development, obviously), you can carry the weight of an entire sitcom (Miss Guided which, in my opinion, was pretty funny), you do awesome voice work (Archer! We all think Archer is the best), you’re occasionally the only reason to watch an entire season of a really shitty show (Mad Love was no one’s favorite, but you were still very funny, I swear), and it’s always a fun treat when you pop up on some of our favorite and consistently hilarious shows (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia).
I liked you on Modern Family, Judy. I forgave you for House (p.s. do you keep up with that show? I stopped watching last season and now House is in jail or something? I am so confused. Hop on gchat and we can talk about this) and I even turned a blind eye to Californication. But Two and a Half Men? REALLY? But why? Do you need the money? Sure, I would take a role on that show but I am an unemployed blogger with about 100k in student loan debt. I’m not sure how much you make or if you have any outstanding loans but you are in a million shows and movies so you don’t seem to be that bad off? But who knows with this crazy economy! I can get some friends together and we’ll kickstarter you some funds if you need us to. Or maybe it’s not about the money? Was The Big Bang Theory your gateway drug? Was your experience on that show so awful that you are experiencing some PTSD and are now coping by chasing some Chuck Lorre dragon? Are you going to be on Mike & Molly next? Because you’re going to have to gain some weight and commit to some truly awful jokes for that.
I hope this doesn’t sound confrontational, Judy. It’s just you’re so funny and you’re too good for this and I feel like you don’t understand your potential. We’re just all so worried about you, especially if you can’t see that Two and a Half Men is your rock bottom. I’ve seen Intervention and I know you need some help. This show is your equivalent to selling a child for money to score heroin. We need to get you out of there, okay?